CONFESSIONS OF A BAD MOM
Dear Bad Mom
Parenthood is the roughest hood I’ve ever been through.
Parenting is hard. It doesn’t matter if it’s with boys or girls. At one point, we will completely lose our shit. We are trying to nail this parenting thing as our babies try to navigate the ever-changing world. It’s a different world.
We are doing our best and so are they.
One day I think parenting is easier until it gets hard again. Parenting teenagers is not for the weak-hearted.
Apparently, I’m always yelling.
These whatever-teen year old kids are so self-centered and they have temper tantrums. Didn’t we get over the terrible two’s stage? Is there a thing called “terrible teens” stage?
Sometimes I try to think back when I was a teenager. I wasn’t the conventional teen. My parents were so strict that I didn’t have a curfew because I wasn’t allowed to hang out. My parents watched me like a hawk and I couldn’t get away with anything even if I tried. They knew my whereabouts at all times and this was before everyone had cell phones.
But my 14 year old has freedoms I wish I had at his age — cell phone, laptop, his own room. I’ve even set the tone to make him comfortable to express his feelings openly with me.
But somehow I’m still failing at this parenting thing.
Even though I provide him with everything and doing it alone, he told me I was a terrible parent and he wanted to move in with his father. Although that was short-lived, it wounded my heart. Teenagers can be such ruthless assholes. I took this experience to have a conversation with him and listen to him about where I can do better. Nothing he said was farfetched, but that encounter taught me that conversations with our children can certainly teach us how to better for ourselves and them. I also was able to express to my son that the same way he shared with me about doing better, I was going to the same with him.
Take it in like you dish it out.
As I learn to navigate the world as a divorced mom of three and balance everything and everyone, I seem to fall on my ass a lot. On that same token, I’ve learned to acknowledge that sometimes I am a horrible mom, a tired mom, an irritated mom. I leave dirty dishes in the sink, I have piles of laundry that need to be washed, and I let my kids eat a ton of snacks throughout the day (yes, with lots of sugar).
My parents made this look a lot easier.
Somehow I am at peace knowing that my children see me make mistakes but also see me acknowledge them, apologize, and work on doing better. I don’t have to pretend that I have it all together; my kids get to witness honesty and growth as they’re raised in my home, in hopes that they see me as an example and do the same.
Many times we don’t learn self-reflection as children and are forced to reflect on years of our lives as adults. So I’ll take being a “bad mom” while working on being better and striving to do her best. I’m always trying to master this parenting because there is no manual for this, no tutorial, nothing.
There’s also no size fits all.
My children won’t ever have to feel like they need to put on a facade of perfection. I want them to very clear that life isn’t perfect and neither is parenthood.
We are all striving to be the better than we were. And that’s a lesson that I hope my kids can learn by their bad mom.
